two days and counting....

...my blessings.

{thursday}

DH came home and we both enjoyed each other's company watching the olympic women's beach volleyball finals....cheering till the wee hours of the night!

{friday}

DH left for work and promised to be home to watch more olympics. (note: an exception to our normal home-cooked dinner at the dining table with no tv, nor phonecalls).

that night we prepared dinner together in the kitchen and everything just flowed smoothly....we were able to share the kitchen counterspace, while we watched the olympics and ate at the kitchen table!

DH waited until we both were done and then called my M-I-L for the daily "evening hello check-in call."

{saturday}

we both slept so comfortably with no stress that DH almost overslept!

24 hour pharmacy, etc.

it's past 10pm (we try to go to bed by 10pm in our household) and the phone rings. i pickup and it's DH on the other end: "my bike got a flat, i'm at (the 24 hr. pharmacy)...don't worry i'll walk home."

(strike #1)
earlier that day, we had our date night---we try to eat out once-a-week, saturdays mostly, but it changes (of course). i had to leave the table to wash my hands and asked (at least 3x) that he please not leave at the same time because i had my purse sitting on the seat....i return after what seemed like half an hour (i waited forever for someone to come out of the washroom!) and i noticed a half-filled up salad plate....yes, he left the table.

("If you like Pina Coladas, ....)

(strike #2)
we were having such a great conversation throughout the meal, until he says.....(repeats what he had overheard from a conversation at the next table). i remind him not to listen to other people's conversations, but if we are seated next to a loud group, we just don't stand a chance!

looking back we've had more "success" in more intimate surroundings (where "loudness" is frowned upon and people speak almost a decibel close to a whisper!)

(strike #3)
going back to the late night phone call....i asked, "who on earth asked you to bike at night?" (he's currently obsessed with biking everywhere). i got out of bed, took out the bike rack and picked him up. on the way home he blurts out, "you want to know how i got a flat, i was attacked!"

("That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain....").

i shut down and didn't say a word until we got back home. he left for work this morning, without a goodbye.

(the pina colada song) saved the day!

what is "the pina colada" song, you ask?

rupert holmes' - "Escape" (The Pina Colada Song) lyrics begins something like this:

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long. Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song. So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed. And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED

yesterday DH (da hubby) came home almost in tears....he had been talking "to someone" (i can only guess....but never found out) about "our troubles" and said it made him feel sad and depressed. then he goes on to ask....will you see smith (the marriage counselor/ social worker he's been seeing in lieu of his neurologist and ADD coach for the past two years) with me? or how about (someone else's name) a new ADD coach, ...or how about father K (our parish priest)......?

(and we're back to the old routine....he's depressed, it affects me, and we start an argument).

but this time, i walked away and started humming the pina colada song....in the past, when i felt that the cycle of the old routine was creeping in i would countdown from 100 to 1, and before that i used to "breathe out" the bad vibes, (both have surpassed their usefulness!)....and it actually made me S M I L E.

hours later he came back home (after he drove off somewhere) in a much different, more lighter mood (what a surprise!), and all was well in our household---then we both went to bed.

global community of non-ADHD partners (our vision)

social online communities have grown since 2005. as a matter of fact, here's our own f2add facebook account!

wouldn't it be great to connect with someone from across the ocean (maybe locally too, like across town?) who felt alone in their frustration with their relationship? that despite our cultural, religious, political, educational, (and whatever else you can conjure!) differences that we are ALL "connected" through our ADHD partner. we ALL just want to understand and have the tool/s to manage our lives while we accept and live the rest of our years in a harmonious relationship with our adult ADHD partner.

now, if only we can find THE ANSWER! anyone?

there are good days, and there are bad. since 2001, i slowly, albeit painfully continue to strive towards finding a middle ground, because i refuse to give up and succomb to a divorce! i refuse to be a statistic!

our vision

let this forum be a means towards a gratifying end---to increase the number of successful marriages / relationships between non-ADHD partners and adult ADD'ers in our lifetime and for the next generation, one couple at a time!

one day at a time

last weekend was great! (translation: it was "quiet" and fun-filled, punctuated with jokes, and complete, total verbal communication!).

we shared meals together with no incident (i.e. breakfast, lunch and dinner not cut short by "distracting" cellphone calls from his mom or his friends from out of town, or even work!) one time we were having a lively conversation over dinner and he heard from a friend who flew in from out of town and he proceeded to hold a prolonged conversation while i sat eating!

we planned our day and actually pushed through with our schedule---well, most of it anyways! i just didn't want the weekend to end!

having him "with me" this past weekend was so special, considering we have had our usual one week without talking on the phone, emails, sms, or even face-to-face contact, much less speaking to each other kinda days! one time we went for an entire month without seeing each other, he didn't realize it had been that long!

i have learned that i should just take the cue from him. as every day, every moment can change so fast! he can be funny one moment, and then he makes an inappropriate comment that will hurt me (or rub me the wrong way), and i just walk away!

after reviving f2add online, i resolved to take it "one day at a time." we've tried so many ways to deal with ADHD and our relationship.

we have had a neurologist (whom he hasn't seen since we got married!), an ADD coach (whom he stopped seeing because he didn't like that he felt degraded---mind you, it was the only time that we actually made progress!), was evaluated for the DORE program (contact me if you'd like more info, i actually met with winford dore himself!), signed up with a local CHADD chapter, and met with several therapists---count them six (6)! translation: social workers who had no idea what CHADD was, much less ever worked with adults with ADD!

at one point we were going to the neurologist, ADD coach and the marriage therapist/ social worker ALL at the same time! he decided to stay with the social worker, who on the first session (which i attended, followed by two more!) said, "i'm sorry, i don't think i can help you."

he's still with the same marriage therapist/ social worker, and sees him at least once a week. it's been almost two years since that first session!