i had to take a much needed "breather" to calm myself down from sunday's showdown. we're now back on the bloggersphere and would like to recount the events for posterity.
{some history}
DH goes to a marriage therapist / social worker (will henceforth be known as "s.w.#6")
[a.k.a. "the blood-sucking leech who's taken advantage of my husband's vulnerability"] whom i've mentioned in a previous post, once a week, mostly monday p.m.'s.
every sunday, (unconsciously or not, puzzling nonetheless because it never fails to happen!) somehow, we fall into an emotional trap where we get into an argument over something mundane and we both go to our corners and not speak to each other. on monday he comes back from his session and depending on what s.w.#6 instructed him to do, the rest of our week picks up from that point on....(well, monday came and went and we're still in the no speaking zone!)
in the past, my attempt to wean DH from seeking "help" from this (unqualified) s.w.#6 had fallen on deaf ears. DH lost his father probably at the same time he was diagnosed with ADD, and has since sought the "paternal refuge" provided by his former (several) male therapists. in a private phonecall, s.w.#6 actually claimed that although DH had been diagnosed with adhd, he thinks DH has got "something else going on" (that was his professional opinion!), i wonder how much that phonecall cost!
OTOH, we successfully detached DH from s.w.#2 (of probably 4 years, before DH and i met). two females: s.w.#3 was professional and said truthfully that she was not qualified to handle our case, s.w.#4 actually asked that we meet with her the day i had a hair appointment for my wedding entourage, and another two days before the wedding! (the wedding that never was! yet another future blog entry!)
{back to sunday a.m.}
we woke up early (basking in the glory that was thur., fri. and sat.!) and planned our day:
(ME) attend early morning service, (DH) mow the lawn
(ME) make us breakfast
we go to an 11a.m. showing of the 3-d movie "journey to the center of the earth"
we eat out for lunch and bring back leftovers
dinner time: we relax at home and watch the olympic closing ceremony!
we did great! until....
a phonecall from the M-I-L (we suspect has undiagnosed ADD) during breakfast broke the day! she had a hair appointment in the middle of the day and needed a ride. DH decided we go to the 11a.m. show and sneak out (as he has done this in the past!) while he attend to his mother and bring her back as our houseguest! well, i was just not in the mood for such antics!
so, after we bought our tickets at the booth and on our way into the theater i decided to skip the charade and just wait for his mother's hair appointment!
at 2pm, as we were seated at the restaurant my M-I-L asked if she bothered me and boldly i answered, " YES!" and kept to myself for the rest of the meal.
{here's the conversation that went on mostly between DH and M-I-L}
M-I-L: aaaw, i should just go. i don't want to bother (ME)
DH: no ma, you're already here might as well seat down and eat!
M-I-L: (addresses ME) is it ok for me to stay?
ME: it's a free country, do whatever you want!
M-I-L: aaaw, i should just go. i hate to be a bother. (as she constantly bops up and down her chair)
DH: no ma, just stay. ahm wait how can we do this.....
(server comes and confirms my order)
M-I-L: uhm miss, maybe you should cancel my soup, i may not be joining them.
(server brings in the appetizers)
M-I-L (and DH simulatenously): miss, can you please bring the soup....?
server brings the soup and my first drink (gin and tonic).
DH does not drink and i (used to be a social beer drinker) respect that and refrained from alcoholic beverages since we've been together. on occasion, particularly when i am very upset and can't take the pressure much longer i order a drink (the sign that DH has taken to recognize that i am livid!).
M-I-L: this soup is salty. (to her every soup she orders is salty, before she even has a taste! one time i told her to water it down!) addresses DH: do you think this is salty? (DH takes a slurp).
one of my pet peeves is sharing plates in public, much less a formal dining establishment! i just feel it is not sanitary!
DH: maybe you should order a salad instead.
(note: my M-I-L orders soup and salad instead of an entree and then proceeds "to have some of what we're having." we've solved that issue by ordering two or three entrees all placed in the middle of the table with serving utensils!)
unfortunately that day, this was not so. DH and M-I-L decided to share a bruschetta for appetizer and "watch" as i eat my entree!
(note) i waited for the M-I-L to exclaim how she can't eat anything with tomato as she is allergic! what a bunch of bleep! but DH and M-I-L sure enjoyed that plate of bruschetta. no leftovers!
(server takes the empty glass of gin and tonic and i order my second drink, a chianti to go with my entree, and in the middle of all that exchange, the M-I-L informs the server that the soup was salty.....then, i tune everything else out!)
(i overhear DH recount how we watched the olympics, and five or six other snippets of our life which he has already told her as they talk at least 2-3x a day!)
M-I-L: this soup is salty. do you think this is salty? (DH takes another slurp)
(server brings the tiramisu for dessert and three forks to share) it just sits there.
M-I-L: what's in there? (we order this same dessert everytime at this, and any other restaurant that serves it, and we used to eat together at least 3x a month for the past eight years until a few months ago!).
the meal thankfully ends and DH drops me off at home and drives M-I-L home!
(and then i hear rupert holmes sing.....)
I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
{THE END}
question is, what happened?
- we wanted to do too much in so little time
- two wrongs don't make a right (by giving up on the 11am show and painfully waiting on the M-I-L)
- left ourselves open to too much distraction
Posts
