Thursday, October 9, 2008

say a little prayer....

Great Physician, we ask for the healing of body, mind and spirit. Reveal any hindrances to this healing and give us courage to trust in your Divine generosity and friendship. We give you thanks for hearing our prayer. Amen.
(A fellow pilgrim)

Ad Friend went for a bilateral diagnostic mammogram on Oct. 4th, 2008. A group of suspicious calcifications identified in the right breast. Surgical consultation was advised.

Ad Friend will have a biopsy appointment on Oct. 28th at 8:30am CST.
(We will resume this blog as soon as we are able. Thank you for all your support.)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


In a day when half (or maybe higher?) of all marriages (between non-ADHD and ADHD'ers) fail, we all need insight that stands the test of time. We need wisdom from Scripture to equip us to transform our own union from a lackluster contract into an intimate and exciting relationship.

Whether you're recently engaged, just realizing the honeymoon is over, or celebrating your golden anniversary, F2ADD remains committed to helping couples cultivate honesty, exhibit grace, and experience a joy and intimacy in marriage that they never thought possible.

DH ("da husband" for non-text shortcut users/ readers) was in Atlanta, GA and proceeded to San Antonio, TX to help out with Hurricane IKE for two weeks between Sept. 9th through Sept. 23rd.

Family, friends and Scripture helped Ad Friend find peace during this time and would like to end this blog entry with "Blessings...for the day."

Our first "Blessings for the day" (September 23rd):

A wife is not responsible for her husband's life. She is responsible for her life. You cannot make your husband something he is not. Only God can do that.

The evangelist's wife, Ruth Graham, once said, "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to make him good." I'd call that a wonderful philosophy for any wife to embrace.

He who has

My commandements and keeps them

is the one who Loves Me.

John 14:21

Sunday, September 14, 2008

some food(s) for thought à la Carte

NOTE: subscribe to this post as we will soon update this MENU.


  • Dr. Hallowell, recognized as one of the foremost experts on ADHD appeared live on "The Today Show" (NBC) and spoke about Adult ADD.


  • Special ADDitude Collection features: "25 Things to love about ADHD" / "How to spread the word" / "7 Myths about ADHD...debunked!" / "Snappy comebacks to ADD doubters"


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

something old, something new....

this past weekend neither DH nor i could remember when my last period was.....he immediately "hyperfocused" on the possibility of a pregnancy, and somewhere in the same conversation of excitement, planning for the baby's room, education, a name, he said: "so are you going to get an abortion?"

to some "outsider" this would be a S H O C K!

to a non-ADHD partner, this is par for the course, but it hurt nonethless.

[the OLD]

DH didn't return until late that evening thinking i was not going to speak to him---to which i replied why not? he assumed that (just like the "old" times) since he said something hurtful, (unsure whether he realized this, but he did leave a message on the answering machine that he was just "joking", a cruel joke in my opinion) what follows is the "silent treatment" from me, i stay in the guest bedroom for awhile and then we reconcile.

[the NEW]

out with the old, in with the new, right? or, for you seinfeld fans, try "the opposite."

since i was expected to "stay out" of the marital bedroom after such an obviously ADHD episode, i did the "new" (or the opposite) by reading a book in the marital bedroom and stayed there until he arrived and was surprised to see me! he confided that he thought i was not speaking to him so he went out to dinner (with my M-I-L).....all is well in our household, for now.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

our LABOR pains....

welcome back from the labor day holiday and the first day of school!

ours had the expected highs and lows for a weekend together. our plan to attend our first "bristol renaissance faire" was fudged up.

throughout our years together (count them eight, two of them married) i learned to pay attention to the "ADHD moment red flags" that would most surely end up "not pretty".

red flag #1
our plan was to leave home early to get to the fair when it opens at 10am. it was 12noon before we were ready.

red flag #2
DH wanted to mow the lawn then water it, sort the mail, while emptying the wastebaskets all over the house! it was almost 2pm!

red flag #3
DH was on a rant about "not understanding" why i reacted the way i did when he asked me a question which i had answered a million times before! if we had gone on with the trip, despite the fact that he agreed not to discuss the same "but i don't understand ........" HE WILL! and with the AC in the car not working (which i have reminded him for the past several months to have it fixed), with the close to 100 degree weather outside, i would not have made it without "exploding"!

this weekend was no different, but it was a "triumph" just the same because the "ugliness" that would have been another stressful event was averted and turned into a quiet evening at home sharing a home-cooked dinner prepared lovingly by DH!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

there's a place for us....somewhere

for all of us dealing with relationships in which one spouse has ADHD (or was suspected of having ADHD) and the other spouse did not (a.k.a. non-ADHD partner), take a much-needed, long-overdue break (from anger, frustration) and celebrate the world that is ADHD.....

take your partner's hand (look into their eyes, share a hug!) and listen to this inspiring song! (then, share another hug!)

share your thoughts and be heard S O M E W H E R E!


and, for all you "Babs" fans (you know you're out there!) sit your partner down for a little over five minutes and enjoy this!


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

back to life, back to reality (2 of 2 - long)

i had to take a much needed "breather" to calm myself down from sunday's showdown. we're now back on the bloggersphere and would like to recount the events for posterity.

{some history}

DH goes to a marriage therapist / social worker (will henceforth be known as "s.w.#6") [a.k.a. "the blood-sucking leech who's taken advantage of my husband's vulnerability"] whom i've mentioned in a previous post, once a week, mostly monday p.m.'s.

every sunday, (unconsciously or not, puzzling nonetheless because it never fails to happen!) somehow, we fall into an emotional trap where we get into an argument over something mundane and we both go to our corners and not speak to each other. on monday he comes back from his session and depending on what s.w.#6 instructed him to do, the rest of our week picks up from that point on....(well, monday came and went and we're still in the no speaking zone!)

in the past, my attempt to wean DH from seeking "help" from this (unqualified) s.w.#6 had fallen on deaf ears. DH lost his father probably at the same time he was diagnosed with ADD, and has since sought the "paternal refuge" provided by his former (several) male therapists. in a private phonecall, s.w.#6 actually claimed that although DH had been diagnosed with adhd, he thinks DH has got "something else going on" (that was his professional opinion!), i wonder how much that phonecall cost!

OTOH, we successfully detached DH from s.w.#2 (of probably 4 years, before DH and i met). two females: s.w.#3 was professional and said truthfully that she was not qualified to handle our case, s.w.#4 actually asked that we meet with her the day i had a hair appointment for my wedding entourage, and another two days before the wedding! (the wedding that never was! yet another future blog entry!)

{back to sunday a.m.}

we woke up early (basking in the glory that was thur., fri. and sat.!) and planned our day:

  • (ME) attend early morning service, (DH) mow the lawn

  • (ME) make us breakfast

  • we go to an 11a.m. showing of the 3-d movie "journey to the center of the earth"

  • we eat out for lunch and bring back leftovers

  • dinner time: we relax at home and watch the olympic closing ceremony!

we did great! until....

a phonecall from the M-I-L (we suspect has undiagnosed ADD) during breakfast broke the day! she had a hair appointment in the middle of the day and needed a ride. DH decided we go to the 11a.m. show and sneak out (as he has done this in the past!) while he attend to his mother and bring her back as our houseguest! well, i was just not in the mood for such antics!

so, after we bought our tickets at the booth and on our way into the theater i decided to skip the charade and just wait for his mother's hair appointment!

at 2pm, as we were seated at the restaurant my M-I-L asked if she bothered me and boldly i answered, " YES!" and kept to myself for the rest of the meal.

{here's the conversation that went on mostly between DH and M-I-L}

M-I-L: aaaw, i should just go. i don't want to bother (ME)

DH: no ma, you're already here might as well seat down and eat!

M-I-L: (addresses ME) is it ok for me to stay?

ME: it's a free country, do whatever you want!

M-I-L: aaaw, i should just go. i hate to be a bother. (as she constantly bops up and down her chair)

DH: no ma, just stay. ahm wait how can we do this.....

(server comes and confirms my order)

M-I-L: uhm miss, maybe you should cancel my soup, i may not be joining them.

(server brings in the appetizers)

M-I-L (and DH simulatenously): miss, can you please bring the soup....?

server brings the soup and my first drink (gin and tonic).

DH does not drink and i (used to be a social beer drinker) respect that and refrained from alcoholic beverages since we've been together. on occasion, particularly when i am very upset and can't take the pressure much longer i order a drink (the sign that DH has taken to recognize that i am livid!).

M-I-L: this soup is salty. (to her every soup she orders is salty, before she even has a taste! one time i told her to water it down!) addresses DH: do you think this is salty? (DH takes a slurp).

one of my pet peeves is sharing plates in public, much less a formal dining establishment! i just feel it is not sanitary!

DH: maybe you should order a salad instead.

(note: my M-I-L orders soup and salad instead of an entree and then proceeds "to have some of what we're having." we've solved that issue by ordering two or three entrees all placed in the middle of the table with serving utensils!)

unfortunately that day, this was not so. DH and M-I-L decided to share a bruschetta for appetizer and "watch" as i eat my entree!

(note) i waited for the M-I-L to exclaim how she can't eat anything with tomato as she is allergic! what a bunch of bleep! but DH and M-I-L sure enjoyed that plate of bruschetta. no leftovers!

(server takes the empty glass of gin and tonic and i order my second drink, a chianti to go with my entree, and in the middle of all that exchange, the M-I-L informs the server that the soup was salty.....then, i tune everything else out!)

(i overhear DH recount how we watched the olympics, and five or six other snippets of our life which he has already told her as they talk at least 2-3x a day!)

M-I-L: this soup is salty. do you think this is salty? (DH takes another slurp)

(server brings the tiramisu for dessert and three forks to share) it just sits there.

M-I-L: what's in there? (we order this same dessert everytime at this, and any other restaurant that serves it, and we used to eat together at least 3x a month for the past eight years until a few months ago!).

the meal thankfully ends and DH drops me off at home and drives M-I-L home!

(and then i hear rupert holmes sing.....)

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.

But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.


question is, what happened?

  • we wanted to do too much in so little time

  • two wrongs don't make a right (by giving up on the 11am show and painfully waiting on the M-I-L)

  • left ourselves open to too much distraction